


Maybe I'll Find, On The Way Down The Line...

by all-or-nothing-baby (BundleOfSoy)



Series: Drabbles in Destiel [7]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bigotry & Prejudice, Bisexual Dean Winchester, Bisexuality, Closeted, Closeted Dean Winchester, Does he really have to pick?, Feminine Dean Winchester, Frustrated Dean Winchester, Fuck gender tropes, Homophobia, Homophobic John Winchester, Kid Dean Winchester, Loving Castiel (Supernatural), Loving Dean Winchester, M/M, Masculine Dean Winchester, Nope!, Pansexual Castiel (Supernatural), Pretty Dean Winchester, Sad Dean Winchester, Soft Dean Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-11
Updated: 2019-08-11
Packaged: 2020-08-16 04:02:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20189008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BundleOfSoy/pseuds/all-or-nothing-baby
Summary: Dean just wants to be Dean--the REAL Dean.





	Maybe I'll Find, On The Way Down The Line...

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the awesome Deep Purple song 'Black Night' and the lyric:
> 
> "Maybe I'll find, on the way down the line, that I'm free... free to be me."

Dean desperately wanted to be free to be who he really was _ inside_. But he was trapped within his public self--even when alone, most of the time--held fast by years of learned bullshit; this stifling Toxic Masculinity_._

Ever since he was ten years old and made to believe he must be bad and wrong for thinking his thoughts about other boys--by the idiot box; kids at school; even his old man's bigoted opinions Dean would hear his Dad sharing liberally with an embarrassed Uncle Bobby_\--_Dean had locked the _real_ Dean away inside an invisible cell, for safekeeping.

He'd never felt safe though; only _ captive_.

Dean wished he could let himself out… but just couldn't. It was as if he needed permission from someone, but had no idea who. He was silently seeking some unknown authority to acquiesce, so he could switch off the fake confidence and let himself just be... _himself_. To show it when he felt _shy_. Maybe sometimes be more _gentle_, a little _softer_; allow himself to be fucking _ delicate _ if he wanted to be. Let himself--shit, just feel _pretty_, damnit.

The day Cas told Dean he was in love with him was the day Dean was _ finally _ handed the key to the cell.

...the day Dean was free to be _Dean_.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading : )
> 
> I'm always boshing out drabbles over on my Tumblr @all-or-nothing-baby--then eventually posting them here. So stay tuned...
> 
> Lucy <3


End file.
